Break-up & Realization...

I was I my class tilting the connector rod diagram on my system screen.

‘We broke up just now’ her message beeped my mobile. I called her she disconnected my call. I messaged her but there was no reply from her.

I came home and logged into gmail. She was offline. I messaged her to come online. I next 20 seconds she was online.

‘i done a mistake. I loved a coward. I hate him,’ she said even before I asked her. I was out of words to control her.

‘Fuck this caste system. His parents are nuts. My parents are far better than his parents.’

Her frustration was in peaks. I just said ‘hmmm..’ to let her complete her frustrated lines.

‘ he says he can’t talk to his parents. Such a loser. Now he is avoiding my calls as well as me. Now me and family became fools by trusting him. my parents lost trust. I don’t want to live, I want to die.’

‘Cool greshma, what have you become,’ I asked.

‘This in not the girl whom I met first. You are not the one who you used to be. The brave independent girl I saw died in you. So there Is no need to die again,’ I said  with anger.

 ‘He shift deleted me. I curse myself for loving a Eunuch.’ I sprang out of chair hearing the last word.

Now her anger was going beyond control.

‘Am unable to concentrate on anything. I left going to orphanage. I left attending social cause programs. Where am I going,’ she questioned herself.

This is what I wanted from you to ask yourself where you are going into. Think of what you were and what you are now,’ . ‘see there are people who parted after their marriage. You are lucky to know about him in advance,’ my words made a impact on her. I logged off to give her some time to think.

Few hours later, she messaged to my mobile to get into gmail.

‘Yes, what you said is right. He is the loser not me. I will get back to my life again. I’ll Spare my weekends for orphanages and oldage homes. This will definitely help to get out of this mess,’ she said in a positive tone.

I succeeded to make her realize her value. My experiences in my life taught me this. Life is the best teacher.

Remember one thing, girls never forget anything. And never want a simple ending to be precise ending.

            ‘ I never seen such a boy. look at his facebook chats with his ex-girlfriend. He said the same words with her what he said to me. am sending his fb id & password have quick look,’ she said and she sent the password.

            ‘Am sending u a document of what she wrote to him after their break-up. Read it,’ another mail popped up. She became a csi agent for some time.

It took about 15 minutes to read the document and another 20 minutes to understand what she (varun’s ex-gf ) wrote. There were no full stops, no commas, no correct sentence formation. A 10^th pass student can write much more better English than her.

The content was, how he cheated her, how he left her. And she cursed him for leaving her.

The facebook chats were in alien sentences. Varun & Vinni ( his ex-gf) were  deeply in love. that I was able to conform.

‘Did you saw the chats. If not see them all.’ She was insisting to go through every message. I had no guts to go mad by reading their alien language. But I vaguely took a look, there were lots of video chats , intimate chats and pictures of them together.

“Have u finished or not. Thank god am saved from a traitor. Now I have no regrets. I will start a new life from now. Hey listen my lappy is running out of charging.. will catch u later.’ She said and the chat closed abruptly.

I was on bed thinking what the f**k am doing.

i.)                 First am talking to a girl late nights.

ii.)               Second ,I got promoted to dearest friend from normal friend.

iii.)             Third, peeping into others personal mails.

iv.)            Four, trusting a girl.

For the next few months, I was trying to motivate her. sometimes it works sometimes it dint. I used to send her motivational sms thoughts, videos etc., etc.,,. It would be hard for anyone to come out of their first love. As days passed, I saw some betterment. My  trails dint go vain. She resumed going to orphanage home, resumed her NGO camps. She kept herself busy in order not to recollect her past.

                                                                                              To be continued....

My Love Story.. in fact, my Girl's first love story.

 

I was enjoying my holidays. And my dad was not happy with it.  

‘So you completed your engineering. What is your future plan,’ he asked. I was having my dinner. The only time am available to for a talk. My mom was also expecting a answer for it.

‘Am no more interested in studies. I prefer job,’ I said head lowered.

            ‘ Then why can’t you join some mechanical course. Already you wasted enough time. ( the enough time I wasted was 20 days )

            ‘ Its your life and take a decision soon,’ dad said in a soothing tone. As every other parent, my dad worried about my career.

            This was the first time my dad was asking me about my career and my plans. He never asked me to study or he never asked me about my academics. The reason was am a bright student from childhood. I never gave a thought of future and career. Dad’s words made a impact on me. I was awake all the night to plan my career. My dream was to become a director. Want to work as assistant director and learn direction. I wanted to learn visual effects course.

            ‘I decided to learn visual effects course dad,’ I said while having breakfast. Mom was confused and Dad was double confused.

            ‘Visual effects.! The movie animation and all… am I right,’ dad asked to conform what I meant.

            ‘Yes, I said in a firm tone.

‘So you decided your career. Are you sure about placements in that field?’

‘Yeah dad, am interested in movie field. Am sure of my decision,’ I said in confident tone.

            ‘Well then, all the very best,’ he said and left for his office. My mom was still in confusion. Her confusion was genuine coz my decision was just like to join a pharmaceutical company with a B.tech degree. I smiled and left in search of institute.

I was standing outside a famous visual effects institution of Hyderabad. It was a 3 storied building with a wide name board. The same name which appears in every tollywood movie credits list.

‘ Welcome sir, how can I help u’? asked the receptionist.

‘ Hi, this is kushal. I want to learn visual effects. Came to know the full details and fee structure.’

‘Sure sir, just a minute’

After 300 seconds, ‘ Here are the details Sir and here is the fee structure,’ she gave me two different papers.

I went through the details. It was 14 months course with placement assistance. Later I checked the fee structure. The fee was about 2 lakhs. I din’t expect such amount.

‘ Can we pay it in installments,’ I asked in dry tone.

‘ Yes sir, you can pay the fee in 5 installments and if you pay the whole fee at once, you get a discount of 5%.

I calmly came out of the institute. My dream cost was 2 lakhs. I came home, locked myself. I sat down to analyze the situation. Dad will be ready to pay the amount but he has paid enough for my engineering. So I decided not get a job first, earn money and later join the course. I felt it was a wise decision. And I told the same to mom & dad. They were happy with my decision. I want to share this with greshma. I pinged her but there was no reply. I changed and came back.

‘ Sorry, busy with relatives. Would chat with u later,’ she left a message. For the whole day he was busy. I cursed her relatives. I too was busy for next few days in search of job. But in vain, there were no vacancies.

I logged into gmail. There was a message from her ‘ Need to tell u something very imp’. She was offline. So I thought to update my resume in job sites.

            ‘Where have u gone all these days? A message from her popped. I said about everything. She was happy with my decision. And promised to help me out to get a job soon.

            ‘You had something important to share. What is it,’ I asked.

            ‘Am in LOVE,’

‘What’ I said infact it was W-H-A-T.

‘Yes, he is my officemate. His name is varun( name changed). He had a crush on me from many days. So I too accepted him and proposed him. and he accepted.’

‘Wow!! That’s amazing. Atlast u have succeeded to get boy.’

‘ Yeah, but there is an another thing. the boy loved a girl but they brokeup.’

Filmi twist. I saw such things only on 70mm screen.

‘That girl is a physco. I know her. Still she is being back of him,’

‘Oh! I said not knowing what to say.

‘ But varun is a nice guy. He said everything openly. That’s what I liked in him.’

‘Ok then, I have to leave. See you.’ And she left for her office.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘ I have told everything to my parents and my brother.,’ she said.

Another W-H-A-T from me.

‘ I respect my parents. So I told them everything. Now I have two problems one is love marriage another one inter caste boy.

Another filmi scene.

‘ Am tensed. I called dad and clarified everything. Now have to wait for their answer.’

‘Chill out. These are quite common issues in love. Am sure ur parents agree,’ I said to relieve her from tension.

‘Wait there is another major issue. Varun’s parents are damn strict. He is not sure whether  they will agree or not. Next week he is leaving for his hometown. He said he will disclose everything to his parents.’ Greshma said.

I stood by her and gave moral support. I could see her tension building minute by minute.

            In mean time, they become too close. You people can imagine what people do in first stage of love. They went out for outing, watched movies, made plans to convince their parents. Had lunch, dinner with each other I n their office. Romantic chats in their break time. Etc., etc.,

She shared everything with me. How he cared her. What promises he made. Etc., etc., By her words, I was sure the guy was hesitating to continue his relation. Greshma’s position was getting worse everyday. Poor girl she was unable to manage the situation. Their relationship was lacking commitment.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A week passed. I spent the whole week encouraging her, consoling her.

‘ My dad said no to varun,’ she said.

 And I expected this long ago. Am seeing this since black & white days.

‘ Am on hunger strike. Said that I won’t eat until they say yes.’

This impressed me a lot. Because I have seen girls change their opinions & decisions according to the situation. Am saying with my experience. I have seen such girls in my college. But this girl is different from other girls. She is fighting for her love.

For the next 2 weeks, she was not available for chat. I guessed something was going wrong. I guessed a no from boy’s side too.

I was right. ‘ They said no to me in varun’s home. And their parents threatened him that they would die if at all he marry her against their wish.’ She said sobbing.

            ‘I want him. Am ready to do anything for him. Now he is avoiding me. He had done everything apart from sex with his ex, but I still accept him.’ for the first time am hearing the ‘S’ word from a girl. This girl is surprise package.

            ‘Tomorrow we complete 1 month of love. I have written a poem on it,’ she shared it to me. With the touch of love every idiot becomes a poet. The poem was too good. To change her mood I diverted the topic towards her collage days. She shared how they flunked their collage on a movie release day, Her friends love affairs etc., etc.,. some one said the world is round. Yes, its true. We came back to the same topic of love.

‘ Am sending his pics. Tell me how do we in a pair. Sent.’

Even Before I open the attachment,

            ‘ how is he?’

            ‘how do we look in a pair?’

            ‘What’s ur opinion?’ her questions occupied my screen.

I took a look at his picture. He was wearing a tee with blue jeans. His office tag around his neck. He might me around 5’9”. No one would believe he has done everything except sex.

            ‘Not bad, he looks ok. And u make a grt pair,’ I replied to make her happy.

‘Really. Oh thanks a lot dear,’ she was extremely happy for that moment.

Her mood got some what better. ‘So what about your job search? In which companies have you applied ,’ she asked.

I gave list of companies for which I applied and also told her my plan to join cad designing classes. She too gave some companies list where she knows some people working in them.

‘ So what else,’

‘I drank today so feeling a bit tipsy.’ I replied.

After my break up, I asked my friends what a love failure person does. 9 out 10 gave one answer “ alcohol”. Since then, I started consuming alcohol. It works, alcohol may not solve your problem but it helps you to forget your problem for a while. Expect Greshma, no one else know about this.

‘u r the 1st person in my lyf with whom am talking who has drunken J,’ she replied.

‘And you’re the first girl whom am taking when am drunk J,’

We exchanged smiles and left the chat.

I joined Autocad classes. I heard there are good openings in designing side. The classes took my whole day. 3 ours of class and 2 hours of lab. I never done any autocad drawing in my 4^th year. Infact we dint had cad lab. And on cad external exam I was asked to draw a machine part on a white paper. So it was difficult task for me to understand the basic tools and their shortcut keys.

For few more days I was busy applying for my degree. And other house hold works. Being the elder son, you have to take some responsibilities or you will be assigned with some responsibilities. But all this time I was thinking about Greshma. Kind of addicted to her. i kept myself in invisible mode so that I don’t get any messages from my other friends while chatting with her. Strange but true.

‘ Hi how r u these days,’ I pinged her.

‘Hi, am ok. Fine.,’ the word fine from a girl has thousand worries.

‘Are u ok,?

‘ No, am not. That idiot is ignoring me. I loved him so much. He is not replying to my messages. Not answering my calls. Now he don’t want me. Am a fool to run behind him. am losing myself. He don’t love me as much I love him. he promised to talk to his parents and convince them. But never did that. Now am fool for trusting such a person.’

She treasured all her agony and poured down at once. Of course, am the only guy who she can share everything. No one of her friends nor her officemates know about her love affair.

She even forwarded varun’s ex gf pic to me. ‘ See am I not beautiful than her. (female phobia). And that idiot is still in contact with her. And talking with her. He lied. He is liar,’ she said in verge of tears.

            ‘He said lets break up, I cant convince my parents. And I think am not the right guy for you.,’ she added.

            ‘No you are damn beautiful than that air hostess. Varun will regret if he lose you,’ I said to console her. but it dint worked. They have decided for a break up.

Another flop story. In fact I was seeing another kushal, crying for love. i have to do something for my best friend. But what can I do… I will make her realize her value n make her feel that guy is not of her worth. I called her. she was crying like a baby. And tomorrow was their official break up day.

                                                                                                                 To be continued...

The Day I met her....

       March 17 2011..  the day I met her….

I was at home. Bunked my college on project work. Was

searching material for my subjects. A message ‘ Hi kushal’ flashed on my screen. It was she.  Her name is Greshma.(name changed). She works for an Investment Company. She was my classmate in school. I never spoke to her in school as she came from  section 'A' while we all got shuffled according to our marks. She was in my orkut but I never spoke to her.

I replied Hi in return. ( she already sent hi for 3 times ).  We had a formal chat like where do you work, where do you stay etc., etc., I was talking to a girl after 4 years. I was a bit uncomfortable. \

All of a sudden ‘9052******’ here is my mobile number. Give me yours,’ she said.

It was unexpected act from her. Left with no choice I gave mine. She said she would message me on my phone. Another unexpected thing. I gave a lame excuse that I can’t reply to you as mine is postpaid message costs me double. Such a dumb ass I was. She logged off. I was back to my work.

‘Happy holi’, I messaged her on facebook. Seconds later, ‘ Wish you the same’, she replied.

Our conversation began formally from family backgrounds to friends. Her father and Brother were working in other state and she lives with her mom. In no time it became quite relaxed talk.

‘ Am joining music class and want to learn playing guitar’ she said.

          ‘Great’, I replied trying to concentrate on my project work and chat simultaneously.

          ‘The chat is slow, greshma.g@gmail.com. Here is my gmail id. Add me and we can chat there’, she said.

I was surprised again. Girls are too fast. I added her.

          Japan earth quake and our exam date came on same day. I kept myself busy studying for my exams. It’s my last chance to get first class in engineering.

‘So how is your preparation going on’, she asked as soon as I logged into gmail.

‘Not bad’ said i. To take a break from studies, I changed the topic to personal interests and hobbies.

          ‘Today is my birthday’, I said. “Really..? why dint you say in the morning. Is this the time to say”, she shouted on me as if I have done some mistake.

“ok, happy birthday, and you owe me choc’,she wished at last. We touched various things like latest movies, friends, college days. 99% of our interests and thoughts matched perfectly.

‘Ok then I have to complete my work”, she said and she logged out to join the meeting.

My exams started and I concentrated on exams. And I completed them successfully. I logged into my mail. I saw unread chats. Those were from greshma. She wished me for my exams. So nice of her.

‘Hi, how r u, completed ur exams, how did u write ur exams’, she fired all this questions as soon I logged into chat. Since then we became too close. This was the first time I am talking I hadn’t seen yet.

From various issues we got struck at love & marriage topic.

‘I got a match for me from my mother’s side. HDFC manager,’ she said. But I don’t want to get married so soon and that to with unknown person so called arrange marriage she added.

          I agreed with her point. In my view arrange marriages are worthless. You have 10 minutes of formal chat. Another 10 minutes to decide on dowry. In just 20 minutes, u get sold out yourself to others.

‘        So do you love someone’, I asked out of anxiety. “Noo, I dint but got some proposals from some boys. I rejected them all. And to be precise, my father doesn’t approve for love marriage. My parents are pretty conservative.”

‘I think you love a girl and she……’ she asked hesitatingly. I was taken back by her question ‘ Yes I did. She left me for some other boy and It took 2 years to come out of it,’ I gave her enough information in a single sentence.

For the next half an hour I described her everything. Till now no one know about it even my best friends. She was the first and the last.

‘ Such a Bitch! How can she do that being a girl. I sure you would get the best girl in future,’ she said emotionally. I was taken back by the ‘B’ word. Chalo, someone has been moved by my story.

Since then we became much closer. We shared our secrets too. We discussed, debated on several personal issues. But end of the day, we would compromise with each other views.

          For the next 5 days I was busy with hectic work. There was no time to come online. But I was missing her. I was desperate to talk with her. And on 6^th day, I came online.

‘Hi sir, r u der?

‘ U der’?

‘I think ur busy these days. Ok carry on’

‘ Dude…..??? L L

Her offline messages filled my inbox. I was happy as there is someone who remember me.

‘Am ready to fall in love. Searching for true love’, with 3 love symbols and 4 smiles.. was her first line as I pinged her. ( even god can’t understand girls)

‘What made u to decide this?

‘It’s you. After I heard ur story, I want to feel love. So decided to find a guy’.

‘So r u sure?  You said ur father don’t agree for a love marriage? I asked to make conformation. ‘Yes, but I will love the guy from my caste. So that there wont be any problem. And  the hunt starts nowwwww….and here is my small list of qualities…

‘He should love me a lot.

‘He should be ready to do anything for m.

‘He should treat me like princess’.

‘He should blah blah blah…

………………………

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‘I want a person with all this qualities. She said.

There were about 37 qualities she mentioned. She needs a customized boy.

I laughed at her innocence. Her innocence has left its mark in my mind.

          All alone in my room, I was smiling recollecting her list of qualities. Girls look dumb but they have their plans and back up plans for their life. Intelligent homo sapiens.

……………………………………………………………………….......................

          ‘How am I looking? Did u like my pic?’ It was her birthday. I wished her on her phone. She posted her pic in facebook. And as usual there was a rain of likes and comments in her profile. Most of them were from boys. Some boys took birth only to click Like on all the girls pics in their profile and some are born to comment “U LOOK GRT.. PLZZZ ADD ME AS UR FRND, ACCEPT MY FRND REQUEST”. I really appreciate hard work of such boys. They give equal importance to every girl.

          I took a look at her pic. She draped a green color saree. With matching bangles and nail polish. She was holding a pink teddy in her hand. Three other teddies of various sizes were in background.

          ‘hello, r u der? How do I look?’ she was eagerly waiting for my compliments.

          “U look like a brand ambassador for eco-green products in total green,”

          “ L “

          “ J I was kidding and u look good in saree” I said to bring a smile on her face. And the matter of fact is, we boys go crazy when we see a girl in saree.

          “Hey look at this….

“A shocking study by the Centre for Global Health Research has revealed that nearly 12 million girl children have been aborted in the last three decades in India. What is worse is over half of them, that is, six million were killed in just the last decade, clearly showing that selective abortions are on the rise in 21st century India.”

“See how shameless we Indians are” she stood aghast so did i. I read the whole article. The whole page was filled with harassments faced by women in rural areas.

“See this is our position in India. Where we get killed in womb because am a girl”. her words were filled with frustration and helplessness.

“ok bye. I want to be alone” and she signed off.

I laid on my bed i.e the boxing ring and the match started between brain & heart.  A girl was raped by 4 members for 15 days and the village panchayat has just asked the convicts to pay a fine of 15,000. So the cost of a girl’s life is 15,000. My head was aching. I was on my bed but I killed those convicts for 5 times in my mind .Another report said the ratio of men-women in India is 1000:923. Now I came to know why boys compete to click like on girls pic & comments. They have a reason. My blood was rushing down my body.

          I dozed off.

.............................................................................................................................

‘hi .. how are you.’ I pinged her.

‘I sprained my ankle. Working from home.’

‘ When & how. Have u consulted the doctor or not? I asked with utmost concern.

‘Chill. It’s only a small sprain. And u know what my bandage is very colorful. Wait I will send u the pic of my leg.’  Sent.

I opened the attachment. Her leg was totally wrapped by blue color bandage. This time she changed her nail polish to blue to match her bandage color.

            ‘Need to take rest for another 2 weeks’ she said in low tone.

‘I have deactivated my Fb account,’ I said to change the topic. And as expected the pour of questions started.

            ‘Why, what for. Any serious issue. What will u do without facebook,’ she asked as if I decided to quit breathing.

            ‘Nothing, I just want to see whether I can withstand without fb or not,’ I said. I have seen people and my friends addicted to facebook. It was like drug to a drug addict.

For the next few hours, she gave introduction about her colleagues and how they spent their break time. About her recent events in her office. Etc., etc.,

            ‘Ok dear, I have to sleep now. It’s too late u too sleep. Its 4am.’

I looked at my monitor time. It was 4.05am. We spoke all the night and I dint even know when the time passed. We wished good night to each other and left the chat.

                                                                               To be continued....